There's these instances where people push you in the right direction. My good friend Scott Curry ( scottofalltrades.com ) noticed that I was going through a rough time. He proceeded to buy me something, but wouldn't tell me what it was until it arrived. When I received the small parcel, I knew that this was going to be good. I opened to find a copy of Plato's Symposium. With taking an aesthetic's class in school, I thought that I was finished with philosophy. I've always enjoyed the philosophical side of the creative world, but this class was somewhat indifferently blunt with it's forceful tendencies. The flame dwindled if you will and I disregarded it completely. But in that instance ( which was last Monday ) I needed to put my life in check. I started reading as soon as I had my to-do list finished for that day. As you can tell with this blog post being posted on Wednesday, I finished the book rather quickly. I was never the quickest reader, but I craved the lyricality of this book. The one thing that really changed everything was Aristophanes's speech on love. Let me give you some background on why this is rather relevant.
As you all may know, when I was teenager, I wasn't the skinniest. And at that weird time of our lives puberty was painful to go through. The teenagers in my class were always rather vindictive and rude, and I never got to experience "Love". I mean, I had my family, but this love was something different. Something that was around me but not inside of myself. I craved it. All of my classmates were dating and falling love and then there was me, who was always in the corner ready a manga book. ( yes I was into anime at that time ). With living in a conservative, sports loving, and instinctually disregardent of anyone who didn't look like a Hollister model town, It wasn't easy. Even up to this date, with losing 100 lbs I still have yet to experience "Love". In ways it was almost disheartening to see everyone that I call family and friend becoming enveloped into their relationships and lovers. Trust me, I honestly couldn't be happier for everyone. Everyone in my opinion deserves love and good altruistic love at it's finest. Then where does that leave me ? I was in a place a couple weeks ago of when I was ready to be with someone, but in the instance, they weren't interested because of differences and that was perfectly fine. As a human, I tend to fall to quickly even though I still have my guards up. After, It was like my entirety and view of love was destroyed. The dreams of having kids was gone as well (I know...I tend to be dramatic, but I've always been a softer type of person, so I tend to get hurt easily). But this book has somewhat changed how my mind set and how I perceive the fleeting world.
I'm just going to focus on Aristophanes's speech on love. In short, he explains his views in away that are somewhat vicious but accurate to how I feel about the idea of "Love". Let me explain.
Aristophanes' speech comes in the form of a myth. Long ago, he explains, there were three genders: male, female, and androgynous, and each person was twice what they are now. That is, they had four hands, four legs, two heads, two sets of genitals, and so on. They could move both forward and backward and would run by spinning themselves around cartwheel-like on all eight limbs. Males were descended from the sun, females from the earth, and those who were androgynous were descended from the moon. They were very powerful and vigorous and made threatening attacks on the gods. The gods did not want to destroy them because they would then forfeit the sacrifices humans made to them, so Zeus decided to cut each person in two. He also suggested that if this didn't settle humans down, he would cut them in two once again and they would have to hop about on one leg.
As each person was cut in two, Apollo turned their heads and necks around so that they would be facing toward the gash that had been made, so as to remind them constantly of the punishment they had been dealt. He also pulled their skin tight to cover up this gash, tying it together at the navel.
Because they longed for their original nature, people kept trying to find their other half and reunite with it. When they found their other half, they would embrace and stay together, not wanting anything else. Eventually, people started dying of hunger or general inactivity. Zeus took pity on them, and moved their genitals around so that they would be facing frontward. This way, when they embraced, they could have sexual intercourse, and those who were formerly androgynous could reproduce, and even two men who came together could at least have sexual satisfaction and then move on to other things. This is the origin of our instinctive desire for other human beings. Those who are interested in members of the opposite sex are halves of formerly androgynous people, while men who like men and women who like women are halves of what were formerly whole males and females. Aristophanes applauds male-male relationships between men and boys since such couples value boldness, braveness, and masculinity, both in themselves and in others.
When we find our other half, we are overwhelmed with affection, concern, and love for that person. This great amount of care cannot result simply from a desire for sex, but we have difficulty articulating precisely what it is that makes us care so much. If Hephaestus, the blacksmith god, were to offer to weld a couple together so that they would become one and never be parted, even in death, they would leap at this opportunity. "Love" is the name that we give to our desire for wholeness, to be restored to our original nature.-Adapted from Sparknotes
When I was reading this part of The Symposium, it was like everything connected and settled my body in sense that I once again had become grounded. The idea of being cut in half early on then the result of when we find our other half really; I was picturing two people connecting and becoming this light that was more powerful than ever. And the idea of that stopped my urgency to look for someone. As my friends say " When you look, nothing will happen. You just have to keep doing you and it'll find you". I honestly hate hearing this but it's the truth. Realizing that, it showed me that over the past couple of years, all I've gotten was heart break. Maybe it was the act of searching? Wanting to be whole ? Whatever it was, I'm not going back there anytime soon.
As I sit here at Madcap, typing this, the ebb and flow of the city life settled my nervousness of the daily instances to a slow stand still. Sometimes you have to escape the toxic becomings of one's living. So the title of "Becoming Wild"-
I want to embark on this rebrand of myself that isn't in the same sense of the idea of "Wild". When you think wild, you probably think of the idea of craziness or something that isn't cultivated or domesticated. This brings me back to Aristophanes. When the two halves come together, they become this wild thing. This project is going to be a form of bettering myself in a way that is personal. With not having my other half currently, I'm going to take this time to become "Wild". Starting tomorrow before work, I'm going to start a personal yoga practice for once. Allowing myself to have personal tyler time. In a sense of slow living but doing it to better myself. I don't know if this is making sense but you guys will see! There's this power in self love and body positivity that sends out rays of light in ways that I can't even describe. It's all about the good vibes.
I have a unique recipe coming in the next couple of days for you guys. Also, a styling with my new pastry board from crate and barrel (Major heart eyes for sure )
I hope you guys have a lovely rest of you week. I'm off to the #safehaven this weekend! Much love!