Allowance

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Hey guys-

I have no idea where to begin on this post. There’s a lot of things that are happening and let me just say, it has been crazy…I guess we begin at the beginning…

I moved back to Chesaning after my lease was up because there were some possibilities of a job and everything kind of just disappeared. So I’ve been working on as much freelance as I can and I’m on the hunt for a job. I’ve constantly kept my instagram game up as strong as I can. With being back home at my parents, I can see the destruction of taking a job to just take a job. Not naming names but I can’t seem to fathom the idea of living a life like this that is centered around money. Money may seem to buy happiness but when it disappears, where does it go? So, I’ve worked and continue to work my way through everything that is post grad. Sadly, I think I’m in a rut. Situational experiences tend to affect my mood in more places than one.

As an extrovert, I had to pull back into my shell to keep myself protected from the harshness of where I live. People here don’t understand the point of a good cup of coffee or a nice pair of boots. It’s all hunting, farming, and camouflage… If I’m stuck in the house for two days straight, I get extremely restless and run off to somewhere to get coffee and shop and spend time with people who I may or may not know. I’ve had some time to really recollect and remember things from my past. Our home is strewn with pictures and memories of my families past, include many a photo of Grandma Boyd. Every image and expression, I see those memories of her. I found an image of her in my files of all of us with her on Christmas, And it instantly shot me back to a specific memory.

As a child, I LOVED books and especially Barnes and Noble. Grandma Boyd always said that they were her way to go somewhere new without driving. still to this day, Grandpa still hasn’t touched her collection of books. (some being Fabio covered steamy novels, as a child, I didn’t understand. Now I think its the funniest thing) But, I’m remembering the Holiday season from years past. I think It was when I was 16. Grandma and I went to Barnes and Noble, to get the newest Jude Deveraux book and I always tagged along with her when she went Christmas shopping. I remember looking to the middle kiosk that was a Starbucks in our local BN store. I told her, (when I was going to go to SVSU), that I can’t wait to come here and work and or work at the coffee shop while I was in college. She smiled at me and said “That would be lovely honey, I’ll come see you while you work and pick up a new book while I’m at it. I hugged her and went back to our afternoon, illuminated by the warm lights of Barnes and Noble”

So…As I do, I took this as a sign.

I know…the craft coffee guru going to a Starbucks…I’m a hypocrite..

WRONG!

I need to have some alone time and I needed to go to a place where no one knows me. I love my local shops, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes, a moment of solitude is needed. And I always said, Starbucks has beautiful interiors and their brand team is absolutely stunning. From a designer’s standpoint, there’s beauty in that. So, I’ve been spending my time at my local and
not so local Starbucks to connect. I went to the Starbucks Reserve bar in Birmingham and It was stunning. Trust me, my interior side went nuts. I even bought a bag of coffee and you know what? I can have fika at any shop. It’s a feeling, not the importance of the place.

So where does that leave us?

Allowance…

I’ve had to allow myself to work my way through these things. I’ve also had to allow myself to have moments of sadness and happiness. As a person is extremely empathic, I tend to emotional all the time. But hey, emotions makes us human.

Seasons change and so do people. All you can do is be gentle with yourself.

Talk to you soon and more to come!

-Ty